Does anyone else get anxious while waiting? I guess it is because while waiting for a response, an answer, a solution we are not in control. The pause button has been pushed in that area of our lives and the batteries have died in the remote.
I get that awful churning deep in my belly. That tension that radiates from my gut to my furrowed brow. There is nothing I can say, do or conjure up that will bring this unsettling feeling to an end but the resolution handed to me by another.
This is what is hard and this is what I realized today when all had quieted down in our home. Our children were both asleep, my husband also asleep. I stood by the sink running the water until it felt cool enough to drink. I took that moment to be still and really take note of how I was feeling. I was a tight wad of fibres and that cool water did nothing to ease my anxious body.
There are many areas in my personal, business and family life where I am anticipating movement. But I can do no more. And it is incredibly frustrating and breeds restlessness.
The problem? Besides feeling jumpy and distracted? I. am. not. present.
My mind is constantly thinking about the ‘what ifs’, the ‘what can I dos’, playing out varying outcomes and what my next steps will be. Goodness, it is tiring. Always feeling like I am looking through a fog, not really seeing what my eyes are looking at because my mind is literally whirling with anxious thoughts.
I do not want to live like this so I am learning to wait gracefully. To stop this restless mind before it can pick up speed and take over my day. I want to see my babies laugh and be there to appreciate their silly jokes. I want my son to know I see him when I look at him and for my husband to know I am hearing his conversation like I usually would.
When the murmurings begin and the buzzing starts as a dull hum behind my eyes it will stop there. How?
By reminding ourselves that in these seasons of waiting our life still continues. Our children are still growing and our days are still ticking by. Just because one segment of our lives feels stalled does not mean the others are slowing down as well. In my world Journey is charging head first towards her first birthday and Honour will forever be more boy than baby…I cannot miss these days and I will not let these moments take them from me.
Waiting will forever be a part of our lives and it can allow for beautiful seasons, as long as we do not let the anxiety for answers leech into all compartments of our lives.
Let us wait gracefully, let us run from anxiety and let us speak the truth into the lies that tell us we have to be focused on the questions that remain unanswered.