charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
so where does this leave women and their desire to be beautiful? the Lord has been revealing areas of my life that I had no idea needed refining…until the chop…
two months ago I decided, with the push of my husband, to cut off my waist length blond hair. it had always been my plan to cut my hair after our wedding and send it away to locks of love, the wig making organization. well two months later my braid is still laying in my sock drawer and i have had the ‘trim’. this is what i am referring to as the chop. the first hair cut i had was a shock. it took me about two months to get used to the ear length pixie cut ‘do that could be radically styled into a mohawk…something I have always wanted to rep. i was hardly recognized by many but i was thoroughly enjoying spiking my hair into my ‘pink-like’ hawk. it had most definitely been a change, but after two months i was comfortable with styling it, knew how to tend to my locks and was feeling my teenage punkyness finally have a say through my hair….most of all i still felt pretty. my husband called me beautiful and the fun i was having with my hairstyle cancelled out the shock of the drastic change in length. but then…the trim.
it was/is horrible. no longer do feel like an attractive rockin’ women, i now feel like a pre-pubescent 10 year old boy who’s mother recently cut his hair with kitchen scissors previously used that morning to cut the fat off dad’s breakfast bacon. it is wispy, thin, showing my scalp and lacks all i have ever felt…feminine beauty. i have found myself crying over my hair, looking at my reflection pitifully and trying not to curse the lady who made me look this way. i haven’t accepted the adoring words of my husband and catch myself in self-pity more then i thought possible.
this has been my eye opener. this reaction has shown me where my life is in need of attention. we speak about our Father being concerned with our heart, but man being focused on our outward appearance, and a women being praised for her fear in our Lord and not for her outward charm. so where do we draw the line as humans living in the world but not being of it? have i cried recently over issues that may make my heart not as attractive to my Dad? or have i been more focused on how my peers perceive my new hair cut? never had i realized how much i depended on my hair as a shield, a safety blanket for my soul. how easy it is to cover our insecurities with our securities. my hair…unbeknownst to me…has been my security. with this being so unintentionally and hurriedly stripped away i have been left to work through the emotions arising within me. ones of self-consciousness, inadequacy and self-pity. i truly have sickened myself with the state of my heart. but, realizing your short comings allows you to recognize their company and resist giving into them when the earthly urge arises. it is almost exciting to be allowed the opportunity to strengthen your character, to seek out the truth of how you feel and then seek the truth of how the Lord is calling us to be. what better way to spend your time then pursing our Father and his truth for us and his truth for those around us whom He adores. my insecurities are in no way different then most young women around me and i encourage you to ask the Lord what you would feel most uncomfortable living without, and remind yourself of the truth our Father speaks to us…we have captured his heart with one look, with one glance of our eyes we have him smitten…with or without hair.